Gentle Sleep

Oh sleep! it is a gentle thing,
Beloved from pole to pole.
                             ~Samuel Taylor Coleridge
I slept in a bed last night for the first time in a long time…at least three weeks.  I mostly crash out on the floor or fold up into an armchair, and I wake up feeling substantially less than stellar.  I never stay asleep for long.  Most nights, I [...]

Sobriety Turns Me On

The humdrum, simple moments of life are what I want so badly I can taste it.  I fantasize about it.  I have dreams flushed with the radiance of life’s simple pleasures, the everyday trials and rewards that routine brings.  I also have exasperating dreams where I use copiously and can’t get high, and mind-blowingly satisfying dreams where I use and it feels sooo [...]

Troubled Dreams

I had the worst nightmares last night.  Some nights I am plagued by them; last night was one of those nights.  Usually they seem at least somewhat fitting to my waking life, but last night they were wild and random and just plain peculiar.  In one of them, my husband, our son, and our dog and [...]

Piss Off, Dreams!

I have this exceedingly annoying habit of dreaming in vivid detail about things I need to finish or take care of, then I wake up thinking they’re done.  Whereas the unresolved circumstance may have been screaming bloody murder in the back of my mind all day, week, or month prior, I dream about it and wake up with a feeling of reslution and [...]

Carving Out

I will carve out my perfection.  Until now, I have been stagnant, idle, indulgent.  My willpower has been bested by weakness.  I desire perfection.  Pure, empty, clean, carved-out perfection.  I have a vision that permeates my thoughts.  Accomplishing it will take flawless persistence and discipline.  Self-control is systematic; neglect leads to atrophy.  I have decayed to the point [...]