Snowboarding season has oficially begun in Colorado with the opening of A-Basin today. Woohoo! They have an 18-inch base (fake snow, yuck). Although I will not be anywhere near the slopes to celebrate (some people camped out overnight, how cute!), it certainly calls for celebration.
Cheers to a snow-filled season!
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the water cooler.” -Drew Carey
“Relationships are hard. It’s like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks’ notice. There should be severance pay. The day before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.” -Bob Ettinger
“The problem with the designated driver program is, it’s not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house.” -Jeff Foxworthy
“We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half-full of cocaine and a whoe galaxy of multicolored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers….Also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls….But the only thing that worried me was the ether. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible than a man in the depths of an ether binge.”
“My attorney said nothing for a moment….He tucked his khaki undershirt into his white rayon bellbottoms and called for one more drink. ‘You’re going to need plenty of legal advice before this thing is over,” he said. ‘And my first advice is that you should rent a very fast car with no top and get the hell out of L.A. for at least forty-eight hours….This blows my weekend, because naturally I’ll have to go with you– and we’ll have to arm ourselves.’ ”
“Getting hold of the drugs had been no problem, but the car and the tape recorder were not easy things to round up at 6:30 on a Friday afternoon in Hollywood.”
“My attorney had taken his shirt off and was pouring beer on his chest, to facilitate the tanning process.”
“The car suddenly veered off the road and we came to a sliding halt in the gravel. I was hurled against the dashboard. My attorney was slumped over the wheel. ‘What’s wrong?’ I yelled. ” ‘We can’t stop here. This is bat country!’ ”
“Few people seem to understand the psychology of dealing with a highway traffic cop….It helps to have a police/press badge in your wallet when he calms down enough to ask for your license. I had one of those– but also a can of Budweiser in my hand.”
“Here I was all alone in Las Vegas with this goddamn incredibly expensive car, completely twisted on drugs, no attorney, no cash, no story for the magazine– and on top of everything else I had a gigantic goddamn hotel bill to deal with. We had ordered everything into that room that human hands could carry– including about six hundred bars of transluscent Neutrogena soap.”