Fuck…I relapsed tonight. Sorry for the language. I might regret it in the morning, at which time I’ll surely hit the edit button, but for now, I’m content wearing out my ‘backspace’ button and choosing to pretend no one will care about my choice of language. I’m pretending a lot of things. Like this was a good thing for me. It occured me tonight (prior to using)…I have been on what is essentially one of the most powerful painkillers known to man for the better part of 29 months. I don’t typically think of it in those terms, but honestly, who passes up an opportunity like that?
I do still have good intentions. I used from the stash I still had sitting around, which had been tempting me to no end. In a crudely honest moment, I know I planned on using it as a safety net when things got a little too scary. Guess what, tonight was that night. I currently have no intent to keep using once it’s gone. Is that possible? Hell yes it is. Am I capable of it? (Do I hear Jaws music playing in the background?)
I do want to apologize. When I started this blog, I thought, hell yes…like a soul on earth will ever read this shit!…and then I started getting to know the wonderful people who do actually stop by. Some of you are struggling with your own addictions, some of you steer clear of drugs for all the right reasons, and some of you are in between. To everyone, I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Tomorrow is a new day for all of us….